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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30027672">Day of the Past, the Future, and the Present</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kira_Tamarion/pseuds/Kira_Tamarion'>Kira_Tamarion</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Romance, Supernatural Elements</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:35:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,652</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30027672</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kira_Tamarion/pseuds/Kira_Tamarion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen having left the Inquisition started his day in 9:44 and ended up in a future Thedas in a hospital with a doctor whose eyes remind him about his long dead love, Solana Amell, the Hero of Ferelden.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cullen Rutherford/Female Warden, Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character(s), Female Amell &amp; Cullen Rutherford</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Past and the Future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Inquisition was no more. Having been disbanded after the exalted council, Cullen retired from his position as commander and in Kingsway, he left Skyhold.</p><p>The farther he got from the fortress, the more relaxed he felt. There was no battle fight, no report to read, no apostate to track down. However, having spent most of his life in service to the Chantry and then to the Inquisition the idea of not serving felt alien to him. At Rylan's suggestion, Cullen decided to go to South Reach, visit his family, and figure it all out.</p><p>He hadn't written Mia, knowing it would just worry her. Cullen felt that it was better to just show up so she could see for herself that he was fine.</p><p>When he saw the azure waters of Lake Calenhad, Cullen felt that he was truly back in Ferelden. Tomorrow he would take the road south, but for now, he was looking for a spot to camp.</p><p>Suddenly the acrid tang of the arcane assaulted his senses and the all too familiar roiling of his guts filled him with dread.</p><p>
  <em>Blood magic.</em>
</p><p>His horse was neither a cavalry horse nor a barded one, so he quickly dismounted. That's when he saw them – one Venatori and one elven mage, their robes were tattered, clearly stragglers.</p><p>Cullen still retained the ability to smite mages, although without the lyrium the smite lacked an area effect and potency. Still, it was enough to stagger the elven mage. Armed with his sword and shield in hand, he bellowed out a war cry that broke the Venatori's concentration. With speed and power that had not dulled while Commander of the Inquisition, Cullen killed the Venatori and mortally wounded the elven mage. He heard a chant that carried on the elf's last breath and Cullen suddenly lost consciousness.</p><p>A nearby patrol recognized Cullen and had watched the encounter–one so brief that it was over before they arrived to help. They saw the two dead mages, as well as Cullen's sword and shield, but there was no trace of the former Commander.</p><p>
  <strong>~oOO~</strong>
</p><p>Meghan Sullivan, MD, at the A and E at Ealisay General Hospital, was finishing her charting for the day. It was the 16th of Kingsway and her shift ended in an hour, after which she would be on holiday for a month. Meghan typically traveled during her holiday, but at the end of Harvestmere, five years ago, her parents died in a head-on collision. Now she spent her holiday close to home, dealing with the melancholia she now felt in the fall.</p><p>"Dr. Sullivan! Trauma One!" squawked the intercom.</p><p>"Well, looks like my holiday will be delayed a few hours."</p><p>Entering the trauma room Meghan saw two paramedics transfer a large man, on a backboard wearing a cervical collar, to the bed. The modern surroundings contrasted with the patient's feather-shouldered robe and the heavy bag of clearly mid-age armor the medics had placed near the gurney.</p><p>Once he was hooked up to a monitor to read his vital signs, his blood was drawn.</p><p>Meghan looked at her patient but spoke to the medics. "Talk to me"</p><p>"Received a call at 13:04 from a Calenhad Park ranger about an unconscious man found 20 yards from the lakeshore. When we arrived, he was breathing on his own, and his eyes and body responded to pain. There are no clear signs of trauma, no broken bones, or visible head injury and he didn't smell like alcohol.</p><p>"A group of reenactors are staging a war in the park this weekend, which explains the clothing. We didn't find any ID or wallet of any kind. The park ranger said he had never seen him before."</p><p>After Meghan asked a few more questions, the paramedics handed her the charts which included their diagram of where he was found. She nodded as they left.</p><p>Meghan did a quick survey of her patient: <em>Pupils equal and reactive…Reflexes are normal…muscle tone is good…no signs of shock.</em> She looked at the monitor. <em>Sinus rhythm, pulse, 75, BP 90/60 and stable, respiration 15, pulse ox at 98%, breath sounds are normal. Why isn't he awake?</em> "BP is a bit low, Marge. I need an ECG and rapid ultrasound."</p><p>She studied the face of her patient. <em>He looks so familiar</em>.</p><p>
  <strong>~oOOo~</strong>
</p><p>As he tried to wake up, he could hear voices.</p><p>….no ID…</p><p>…reenactors…</p><p>…ECG…</p><p>Even though they were speaking the King's tongue he had no idea what they were saying. As he felt something cool moving over his chest his consciousness slipped away.</p><p>
  <strong>~oOOo~</strong>
</p><p>Two hours later, his vital signs were still strong and stable. But he wasn't awake.</p><p>Meghan reviewed the test results which were mostly negative and normal. Save for slight vitamin C deficiency, his blood work seemed normal. Then she read a hand-written note from the head lab tech:</p><p>
  <em>Found: Trace amounts of a sanguis titanus in patient's blood.</em>
</p><p>"Titan's Blood? Lyrium?" Meghan whispered.</p><p>She'd grown up having a major obsession with 9th age Ferelden history. Her father, fortunately, was the Royal Archivist and indulged her. She still remembered much of it, such as lyrium, which was officially named sanguis titanus after the Sundering of 9:56. It was extremely rare and found in trace amounts underground in northern Thedas.</p><p>
  <em>For it to show up in his blood work means exposure to more than trace amounts!</em>
</p><p>Looking her patient once again she realized why he seemed familiar: In a book about the Inquisition of 9:41, was a plate of the famous painting <em>Race to the Arbor Wilds</em>. Painted in the early 10th age, it was of a man standing on the wall above the Inquisition's army. His sword pointing forward, clearly urging the army onward.</p><p>From the color of his hair to the distinctive armor and the scar on his upper lip, the man in the bed looked just like the one in the painting: Commander of the Inquisition, Cullen Stanton Rutherford.</p><p><em>He disappeared in the fall of 9:44.</em> Then she remembered. <em>He disappeared on the 16th of Kingsway 9:44. Stop, there is no way this is Cullen Rutherford, it's a coincidence, you're just being a history wonk</em>.</p><p>Still, she ordered the blood tests she needed to examine his immune system and had him placed in isolation protocol— anyone entering the room needed to wear gowns, gloves, and masks.</p><p>
  <strong>~oOOo~</strong>
</p><p>The next time he came awake, he was aware of his body but only in the sense that he was connected to it. He was reclining on something comfortable, but he didn't know what it was. He tried to move his arms, but they were too heavy for him to lift. He could move his fingers and toes, but not in any coordinated way.</p><p>Then he heard the soft female voice. "Ser? Can you hear me?"</p><p>He tried to nod his head but, like the rest of his body, it felt too heavy to move. Then he felt a hand gently hold his left hand. "Can you squeeze my hand?"</p><p>He was surprised at how much effort it took to squeeze it, but he did.</p><p>"Excellent! I'm going to hold your other hand, and I would like you to try to squeeze it."</p><p>This time it took less effort for him to squeeze the woman's hand.</p><p>"You're right-handed? Squeeze my hand once for yes, twice for no."</p><p>He squeezed her hand once. To his surprise, expending the effort didn't tire him, it made him feel more alert. He tried opening his eyes, but the light seemed brighter than the sun even making squinting impossible.</p><p>Her hand left his and suddenly the light dimmed. He cautiously opened his eyes. His vision was blurry at first but as it cleared, he saw the masked face of a woman with apple green eyes and black hair held back in a bun at the nape of her neck. <em>Those eyes, that hair… so… familiar... Lana.</em></p><p>"Hello. I'm Doctor Megan Sullivan. Can you give me your name?"</p><p>He tried to speak but his dry throat only yielded a croak. Soon a cup and straw were in his field of view. "Just take a few sips."</p><p>The water was cold and refreshed his mouth. "Where... am I? What is this place?" <em>Why does she have Lana's eyes and hair?</em></p><p>"You are in the A and E of Ealisay General Hospital."</p><p>"A what – A hospital? Are you a healer?"</p><p><em>Does he mean healer as in mage?</em> "No, I'm a doctor."</p><p>"Ealisay? As in Andraste's childhood friend?"</p><p>His accent is Ferelden but not one I've heard. Meghan nodded. "Yes, it is the same Ealisay. However, I would still like to know your name."</p><p>"Sorry. Commander... uh…Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford."</p><p>Her breath caught in her throat. <em>Could he be…Come on Sullivan get a hold of yourself.</em> "This is not part of a reenactment. I meant your real name."</p><p>Cullen looked both confused and slightly offended. "I haven't the slightest idea of what you mean by <em>reenactment</em>. My name is Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford, and I am the former Commander of the Inquisition."</p><p><em>Well, let's see where this goes.</em> "Alright, Ser Cullen what is the last thing you remember?"</p><p>"I fought and killed two blood mages, one was a Venatori and the other was an elf. Where is my armor, my sword, my shield?"</p><p>"We had to remove your armor to treat you. It's in the closet of this room. There was no sword or shield where you were found."</p><p>"Where was I…found?" <em>Where in the void am I?</em></p><p>"Near the lakeshore by a ranger station in Calenhad Park.</p><p>"Lake Calenhad?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>He tried to sit up, but the woman placed her hand in the center of his chest. "Please lay back Ser."</p><p>Reluctantly, Cullen did.</p><p>"Can you tell me how you obtained sanguis titanus and how long you've been using it?"</p><p>He remembered the small amount Tevene he'd learned from Dorian. <em>Sanguis…means blood. Titanus…Titan? Titan Blood. Wait, that's what the Dagna explained lyrium to be: the blood of the Titans. </em>"You mean lyrium?"</p><p>She arched her eyebrow. "Yes…lyrium."</p><p>"I took it for 12 years, while I was a Templar. But I stopped taking it before the Inquisition, so four years ago."</p><p>"Ser, there haven't been templars for almost 600 years."</p><p>"600 years! What are you talking about? I left service of the Inquisition two days ago, today is the 16th of Kingsway, the 44th year of the Dragon Age."</p><p>"Today is the 16th day of Kingsway in 44th year of the <em>15th </em>Age."</p><p>Cullen's shock fueled his anger. "That is impossible! What are you, really? Are you a demon… a mage?"</p><p>For some reason the way he said 'mage' felt like a personal attack. Setting that feeling aside, she tried to stay calm. "You claim to have been a templar, can't you tell what I am?"</p><p>Cullen stared at her. <em>I don't feel the arcane emanating from her, in fact, I can only barely sense the Fade. The best I can attempt is a cleanse</em>. Cullen's brow furrowed in concentration and managed to perform a weak cleanse.</p><p>Meg was astonished to feel a tingling sensation. "What did you do?"</p><p>"I performed a cleanse, but I can barely sense the Fade, how is that possible?"</p><p><em>Andraste's sake, he is a templar!</em> "Ser Cullen, we can only access a small part of the fade, and only when dreaming. It's been like that since the middle of the 9th age. What you just did has not been done since then."</p><p>Cullen paled. He had no idea how to reconcile what he was being told with what he thought he knew. But he moved forward with his questions. "Why was I brought here?"</p><p>"Here as in the 15th age or here as in this hospital?"</p><p>"Here as in this hospital."</p><p>"You were found unconscious and brought here."</p><p>"We can only access the Fade in dreams. What about magic?"</p><p>"Magic ended when the Fade was all but closed off."</p><p><em>No magic!</em>? "Will I still have nightmares? I've had terrible nightmares since…well…for a long time."</p><p>"The nightmares started after a traumatic event, then?"</p><p>Cullen slowly nodded.</p><p>"What about the lyrium, were you addicted?"</p><p>Bitterness coated his response. "That is…was… how the Chantry held a templar's leash. The nightmares were less intense when I was taking lyrium. They got worse when I stopped."</p><p><em>It seems he suffers from PTS</em>. "It would seem that trauma caused stress and the lyrium dulled the stress, which in turn took the edge off the nightmares. Once you stopped taking lyrium the stress came back, and the nightmares worsened. We do have medicines and other treatment to help you work through the trauma, help alleviate the symptoms."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yes, but we are getting way far ahead of ourselves. I need to keep you here for several days and test to see what illnesses you have and have not been exposed to, and you have nowhere to go much less deal with the shock of a world far different than yours."</p><p>Cullen looked surprised. "You believe me?"</p><p>"I can't believe I am saying this, but unless you are the ultimate con artist, it's kind of hard not to believe. you. You know things about the 9th age that are not commonly found in the public historical records. <em>I </em>know because my late father was the Royal Archivist.</p><p>"It would seem that whatever happened after your fight sent you here, or simply sent you away and you ended up here. Thank Andraste you were brought to this hospital while I was on duty, any other doctor would have sent you to the behavioral psych ward."</p><p>"Behavioral psych?"</p><p>"Ah…um where they put mentally unstable people."</p><p>She saw a slight tightness around his eyes, and tension around the jaw, and somehow, she knew the enormity of what had happened finally hit him. She reached out and held his hands in hers. "Ser?"</p><p>"Cullen…call me Cullen."</p><p>Meg nodded. "Cullen… it's clear you're hurting. You can talk to me."</p><p>Typically reticent to share his feelings, he was surprised to feel that he could open up to her. "When I woke up in my tent this morning it was 9:44. In the afternoon, after I killed two mages, I woke up in a Ferelden 600 years into the future and everyone I have ever known has been dead for almost six ages." His eyes were glistening with unshed tears.</p><p>Meghan saw nausea rising before Cullen felt it. She quickly grabbed a basin and held it out to him. He grabbed it and promptly retched.</p><p>She poured more water into the cup and gave it to him.</p><p>He rinsed his mouth out, looking a bit embarrassed. "Thank you. Sorry."</p><p>"Sorry? Cullen, given what you've just been through, I would be worried if you <em>hadn't</em> had this reaction."</p><p>Cullen slowly nodded. "Point taken."</p><p>"It is getting late and you should rest. I'll be back first thing in the morning. If you need me before then, tell the nurse. Press this button on the bed to call them."</p><p>He looked at the button, his brow furrowed. "How does pressing this summon someone?"</p><p>"Just think about what it does, not how it does it. All you need to know is that pressing will let a nurse know to come to your room."</p><p>He nodded. "Thank you. Doctor Sullivan."</p><p>"Please call me Meghan or Meg for short. Good night…Cullen."</p><p>"Good night…Meghan."</p><p>After she left the room, Cullen closed his eyes and while there were many questions roiling in his mind, sleep took him quickly. His dream was more of a memory.</p><p>
  <em>He pulled Lana behind the bookcase as she giggled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Shh," he whispered into her soft black hair. "We don't want to get caught."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It would be an hour before he would need to be on duty, so he was in his off-duty uniform. His arms slipped around her waist and he could feel the warmth of her body as he pulled her back against his chest. Her head fit just under his chin. He could smell the bergamot scent she preferred.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She turned around and looked into his eyes. He always lost himself in her apple-green eyes. Cullen was the only templar at Kinloch who knew elvish. "Ar lath ma, Lana."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Ar lath ma, vhenan."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Their lips met and for that moment their world existed only of each other.</em>
</p><p>Cullen woke up and whispered to himself. "That was the last time I held Lana"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Present and the Past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Meghan arrived at Cullen's room shortly after breakfast. She carried a book bag, which she put next to his bed as she sat down. Per protocol she was still masked, gowned, and gloved.</p><p>"Good morning, Cullen."</p><p>Because of the mask, Cullen could still only see her eyes. <em>Eyes that are so much like Lana's</em></p><p>"Good morning, Meghan. Why does everyone who comes in here wear a mask and gloves and those paper tunics?"</p><p>"Gowns, not elegant but important. I put you in isolation pending several blood tests. You haven't been exposed to modern diseases. If you catch one you could die. Once your blood tests come back, I can consult with our immunologist and start you on a course of vaccinations to protect you from getting ill."</p><p>"You are speaking the King's tongue…but I have no idea what you just said."</p><p>"Sorry. umm...right..." Meg thought for a minute then she looked at Cullen. "Let me try an analogy. It is easier to fight an army that you've fought before, yes? All else being equal?"</p><p>"Yes, I would already know their strategies, strengths, weaknesses, and such."</p><p>"And against an army, you've never fought and know little of?"</p><p>Cullen gave out a dry chuckle. "That would describe much of what we faced during the Inquisition. Sister Nightingale's spies and scouts were vital in providing information on what we were up against. And they got the information to us quickly. It made it easier to plan, prepare, and equip the troops."</p><p>Meg nodded. "Think of illnesses and your body as opposing armies."</p><p>"My body?"</p><p>Meg nodded. "Inside your body are organs that produce an army that protects the rest of your body from illnesses. The illness-armies your body has fought before are easier to fight. For illnesses that have never attacked your body, your body-army needs information about the opposing illness. Without that information, your body is wide open for attack. With me so far?"</p><p>Cullen nodded. "I think so."</p><p>"Vaccinations are like the reports you would get from the spies and scouts that provide information to help you defeat the army. Vaccinations can also be like additional soldiers to strengthen your army or even an army to fight on your army's behalf."</p><p>"Do you have these …illnesses? Are you the opposing army?"</p><p>"No, I've been vaccinated. But I could still have double agents that can slip past your body's defenses. I wear mask and gloves to prevent any from escaping into you."</p><p>"How do you get these vaccinations?"</p><p>"Depends upon the illness. Mostly they are injected into your body, and are, mostly, painless." She could see Cullen's puzzled frown.</p><p>"Don't worry about that now. How was your breakfast?"</p><p>"Odd. But it tasted alright. Can I ask more questions?"</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"Is there some kind of record of my disappearance?"</p><p>"Yes, but it is only available to the royal archivists…and their daughters" She grinned. "Two soldiers witnessed your fight with the mages. They saw you fall and when they got to you, all they found was your sword and shield. That's why your sword and shield were not with you when the ranger found you."</p><p>"What happened after I… left?"</p><p>"That is more complicated, but I brought some books to help orient you to modern Thedas." She opened one book she'd brought and showed him a map of Thedas</p><p>Cullen was stunned. "Maker! The Boric ocean looks like it swallowed both Tevinter and Seheron."</p><p>"For all intents and purposes, it did. Around 9:45, a civil war broke out in Tevinter and the Qunari used the opportunity to attack. It was a bloody war that lasted for five years. It ended with the Sundering."</p><p>"The sundering?"</p><p>"Yes. It will be easier to explain if you read a first-hand account." She opened the book to a diary excerpt and gave the book to Cullen.</p><p>
  <em>Remembering the Sundering</em>
</p><p>
  <em>One year ago, the sky caught fire and Thedas changed forever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After five bloody years of civil war the sky above Tevinter from Pervantium northward and east over Seheron exploded and engulfed the air and the ground in an inferno. It looked like the end of the world.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suddenly the ground quaked like the world was coming apart, then the Boric ocean rose up and poured over Tevinter and Seheron, Shortly after that, impenetrable sheets of rain fell from the sky for a week. When the rain stopped and the sky cleared, we saw that the fires had been extinguished and the sky healed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But there was no veil, and the Fade was all but closed to us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We who called ourselves mages no longer can access the Fade. We feel the pain and fear of no longer having what defined us, no longer having magic. We are not Tranquil, but now tranquility seems more of a blessing than a curse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>27th of Kingsway – the 51st year of the Dragon Age</em>
</p><p>"Kingsway?" Cullen said putting the book down.</p><p>Meghan looked surprised. "I hadn't made the connection before, but the Sundering is dated as starting on the 16th of Kingsway, 9:51."</p><p>Cullen looked equally as surprised. "A fateful date."</p><p>"It would seem, but I cannot explain it."</p><p>"Solas! He wanted to tear down the veil. It would have meant the end of Thedas. It was something Sister Nightingale and the Inquisitor wanted find a way to prevent, but I wonder if the conflagration was his succeeding?"</p><p>"Solas?"</p><p>"Yes, a supposed hedge mage, who was part of the Inquisitor's inner circle. Turns out he lied to us about who he really was."</p><p>"Who was he?"</p><p>"The Dread Wolf or <em>Fen'harel</em> in the Elven tongue."</p><p>Meghan was dumbfounded at Cullen's revelations. <em>There is no record of the return of the Dread Wolf.</em> "Do you remember what I called lyrium?"</p><p>"Yes, <em>Sanguis titanus</em>. Titan's blood. That reminds me! According to Shaper Valta, Mythal destroyed part of the Titans' demesne and the Titans were trying to regain their strength. Shaper Valta wanted to help them."</p><p>Meghan nodded thoughtfully. "That explains why historians theorized that the Titans found the strength to reassert themselves into Thedas and caused the Sundering. Mages could no longer pull power from the Fade and that is why there are no more templars. It is said that even the Chantry expressed sorrow after realizing how much they'd relied on magic and mages."</p><p>She noticed Cullen's expression and somehow knew that his thoughts had turned inward. "Cullen?"</p><p>"I was just thinking about how much animosity I had for mages, yet how I too took their abilities for granted."</p><p>"I wanted to be a mage."</p><p>"Why would you want to?" Cullen was more curious than surprised</p><p>"When I was eight, my Father told me about a mage near Highever named Serena. She devoted her life to creation magic and healing. Serena started a clinic for healing both magical and non-magical. It eventually became a school to train healers and medics. During the Tevinter civil war a plague ravaged Orlais and would have spread to Ferelden if not for Serena and those she trained. There is no further record of her after the Sundering. I told my Father that I wanted to heal people like Serena did. He encouraged me to become a Doctor."</p><p>"It seems you were able to realize your dream," Cullen said. <em>Lana was a healer.</em></p><p>"No. That's the point, I am not a healer. I can't do what Serena did. I can't heal a broken leg. I can set the bone, but the healing has to be done by the person's own body, and the bone will never be like it was before. If a major organ is damaged, we have to rely on a donor."</p><p>"Donor?"</p><p>Meg nodded. "People who are willing to donate parts of their bodies to help others. Some organs, like hearts, require the donor to have died, but others can be done while the donor lives."</p><p>"That is rather amazing. Disturbing, but amazing."</p><p>"It is. But if I were a healer like Serena, we wouldn't need donors. So many more people would be alive. Hale and whole."</p><p>"But being a mage is...was inherently dangerous. Mages were always at risk of demonic possession."</p><p>"Couldn't they just refuse? Did demons possess the unwilling?"</p><p>"It takes a very strong will to say no to demons. They prey on your insecurities. Try to get you to agree to let them help you."</p><p>"Why would a mage believe being possessed would ever be helpful?" <em>Why do I feel as I've had this argument before?</em></p><p>"What would you do if a demon told you that it would help you save the life of a patient?"</p><p>Meghan frowned. "Then the patient would die. Nothing would be worth dealing with a demon."</p><p>Cullen was surprised by the firmness of her response. <em>Maker, she sounds like Lana.</em> "If someone takes someone hostage and threatens to kill them if you don't do their bidding, would you?"</p><p>"Is there was another way to rescue the hostage?"</p><p>He shook his head. "No. What if they wanted you to harm or even kill someone else and there was no way to rescue the hostage?"</p><p>Meghan looked uncomfortable but Cullen decided to press, as he had once done when arguing this very issue with Lana. "What if the hostage was a child? You would you let a child die?"</p><p>"If giving in to their demand harms another then what is the point? If I allow myself to be possessed by a demon to save one life, would I not end up endangering many more lives? For a healer, it would mean never again being able to heal."</p><p>Cullen paled. <em>That is exactly what Lana said</em>.</p><p>"Have I offended you?"</p><p>"No! No. Not all demons are so obvious in their bargains though. Some are more subtle in their temptations. They play on our own pride, fears, desires, and the like."</p><p>Meghan nodded thoughtfully. "Learning to be self-reflective and knowing your own weaknesses and blind spots would help with that, yes?"</p><p>Cullen thought about it. "Yes, I could see how it would, but that's not part of an apprentice's training. They are taught how to use and control their magic, so they can pass their Harrowing</p><p>"Harrowing? That sounds ominous. What happens during a harrowing?"</p><p>"An apprentice is brought to a special chamber in the Circle and is sent into the Fade to defeat a demon."</p><p>"How many apprentices fail?"</p><p>"More than I was ever comfortable with."</p><p>"Wow."</p><p>"Still wish you were a mage?"</p><p>"Actually, yes, I still do."</p><p>
  <strong>~oOOo~</strong>
</p><p>That night, Meghan had a puzzling dream:</p><p>
  <em>She was standing across from what was now Kinloch Tower, a historical building. She was upset, filled with grief and talking to a man who stood behind her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Maker, what they put him through. His mind – so much pain."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The man behind her rested a hand on her shoulder. "There was nothing you could have done. At least he was stronger than the demons."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But he looked at me with such disgust. I…never thought I would ever see him look at me like that."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Did you know how he felt about you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her voice broke, "Yes…I…we…loved each very much. It was barely possible then… but now. Now he is truly lost to me." I will never love another as I loved you.</em>
</p><p>Meghan woke up, disoriented. Who was I and what was I talking about?</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Future and the Present</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cullen had a familiar nightmare</p><p>
  <em>He was behind the barrier looking at Solana and begging the demons to stop torturing him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He tossed and turned, and the nightmare, for the first time, changed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked at Solana, but she wore a veil, all he saw were Solana's apple-green eyes. Meghan's eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Cullen, it's me, Solana. What have the demons done to you?"</em>
</p><p><em>"See what Mages can become? You are all abominations in waiting. You need to be put down; the Circle needs to be cleansed.</em>"</p><p>Cullen woke up. His heart pounding, but for some reason, he was able to calm himself down far more easily than ever before.</p><p>
  <strong>~oOOo~</strong>
</p><p>When Meghan got to the hospital that morning, Cullen's blood test results were ready. As she suspected, he needed all the basic immunizations. She'd already contacted the chief immunologist and she knew what he needed and had a schedule of when the vaccinations needed to be administered.</p><p>She put the orders through, then went to Cullen's room. She was about to greet him, but stopped when she saw him wearing a robe, and standing and looking out the window. She could see the tension that ran throughout his body.</p><p>"Cullen? What's wrong?"</p><p>He turned around. "Could you please remove your mask?"</p><p>"No, Cullen, I cannot break protocol. I will not endanger you. But I have the test results and the schedule of vaccinations. You should be able to leave the hospital tomorrow night, or the night after, and then I can remove my mask."</p><p>"And where will I go? I know no one, save you, and nothing about this world."</p><p>"I was thinking about bringing you home with me. I have more than enough room."</p><p>"You are alright having a stranger stay in your home?"</p><p>"I would not have made the offer if I was uncomfortable having you at my home. Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford, the former Commander of the Inquisition is not going to take advantage of me." She added with a smile.</p><p>Cullen sat down on a small sofa, still looking troubled. "Please Megan, take a seat. Before you bring me into your home, you need to know the truth."</p><p>"You mean about the traumatic event. Did you have the nightmare again?"</p><p>"Yes, but it was different this time and less intense. Anyway, when I was at Kinloch I was in love with a mage, a healer–Solana Amell."</p><p>"The Hero of Ferelden?" Meghan was surprised.</p><p>Cullen nodded. "A blood mage name Uldred and his followers had summoned demons and taken over the circle. Many of the mages who did not follow Uldred were tortured until they died or became abominations. Demons slaughtered my brother-templars and sealed me behind a barrier. They tortured me with images of me harming Solana."</p><p>Meghan reached out placed her gloved hand on his knee, "Cullen, you don't have to continue. It won't change my mind about you coming to my home."</p><p>"No. I need to say this, you need to know. Solana had become a Grey Warden and she and Warden Alistair saved the circle. They saved me. But I was so lost in my anger and shame that all I saw was another mage, another potential abomination. I said horrible things to her. I was disgusted with mages, and I know it hurt Lana, but I couldn't put aside the horror of what I had gone through."</p><p>Megan looked stunned. <em>That was what my dream was about. It must have been Solana's viewpoint, not mine!</em></p><p>Cullen was looking towards the window and did not see Meghan's expression.</p><p>"I never saw Lana again, but I never forgot about her. I was in Kirkwall when I found out that she had died killing the archdemon, ending the 5th Blight."</p><p>He turned back to Meghan. "While I've made peace with her death, I always get a bit melancholy in Firstfall.</p><p>Meghan was puzzled. "Cullen, the 5th Blight ended on First Day in Haring."</p><p>"No. The Chantry wanted what Lana had done to be seen as a gift from the Maker, not a mage, and made the historical record reflect that."</p><p>His next words started the come out in a rush. "But last night the nightmare was a bit different. Solana wore a veil; I could only see her eyes. When I look at you. I…I see Solana's eyes, I see her black hair. She was passionate about being a healer. That discussion we had yesterday about mages and demons? I had a very similar argument with Lana. She had the same strength of conviction as you. It was almost like you were her. Which is patently ridiculous as she long dead and you are part of this modern future."</p><p>Meghan felt something deep in her consciousness stir urging her to find out. "When did she die?"</p><p>"Solana died on the 20th of Firstfall, 9:30."</p><p>"Cullen… <em>my birthday</em> is the 20th of Firstfall."</p><p>Their eyes met and suddenly Meghan felt disconnected from herself as if in a waking dream…</p><p>
  <em>She was on a tower roof facing the archdemon. She ran to pick up a large sword. Holding it above her head she yelled. "As I end my half-life, end my grief, so to will I destroy you!" She then plunged the sword into the dragon's head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suddenly other memories flooded Meghan's consciousness. Memories of healing, of being a mage, of growing up in the Circle, of Warden-Commander Duncan, of Alistair before she made him king. of the man she loved and lost…</em>
</p><p><em>…</em> <em>Cullen.</em></p><p>Cullen was gently holding her by the shoulders as she came back to herself. "Meghan…Meghan can you hear me?"</p><p>Meghan murmured something, but it was being muffled by the mask. Cullen removed it, stunned to see the face he had never forgotten. "Solana…?"</p><p>Meghan blinked. <em>I am both.</em> She looked at Cullen. "<em>Ar lath ma, vhenan.</em>"</p><p>This was a Secret Santa gift for HotElf</p>
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